


night

by serenlty



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, Gen, I'm really sorry, the rest of u's besides the first three listed are just mentioned, this is so old but i needed to post it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7643161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenlty/pseuds/serenlty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nozomi takes a night and a moment to remember Umi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	night

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for reading! this is my first work on the love live tag, but it's not my first posted work lol  
> i'm really sorry for this angst  
> i started this a while ago and found it in my unfinished works and was like ???? i need to do this  
> i hope you enjoy!

Nozomi let out an exhausted sigh, sitting down on the rooftop of Otonokizaka. Behind her, a star patterned cape that matched the night sky above cascaded to the ground, the deep blue fabric piling up behind her. She was sore-so sore, all over. Her head hurt from the flashing lights. Her body hurt from posing for too long. But mostly, her heart hurt.

One day, all the flashing lights and tight clothes and handshake events would be gone. Performing on a stage with people that she’d never known she could for a bond with would be gone. All of the tears, and the hugs, and the cheering-it would be gone. But, they would live on within her memories, to be seen another day. Now it seemed, Umi was gone, and there was no changing that. No dream or memory could bring the blue-haired girl back.

 

About a month and a half ago, Umi had been at one of her archery tournaments. Apparently, she had won. Like usual. And so, the rest of μ’s had decided to celebrate. There was a small cafe down the street from Otonokizaka-so small that none of the other girls had ever been there. But, Umi, insisted, they had to go there. It was her place. She went there after every tournament, or so she had said.

And so, the other members waited. And waited. And waited. But Umi never showed up. With heavy, concerned hearts, the girls headed home-there was school tomorrow, after all. Most likely, Umi had been too tired to meet them. Or maybe, she’d injured herself during the tournament, and had to rest. It seemed weird of her not to contact them,but Umi surely was not the most technologically-savvy of the group. Maybe it had slipped her mind.

Nozomi had been home for a couple of hours when her phone rang. Wondering who would be calling her at this hour-she nearly declined the call. Now, she wished she had. However, if someone had something important enough to say that it prompted them to call her at midnight on a Sunday night, it was certainly important enough for the purple-haired girl to at least hear.

“N-n-nozomi-i-ch-chan?” It was Honoka. The orange haired girl’s voice was shaking horribly, and Nozomi could tell something was wrong. There was a sinking feeling in her gut as she responded with a small “Yes? Are you alright, Honoka-chan?”, listening to the girl’s sniffles from the other line and gritting her teeth so hard it hurt.

“I-it’s U-u-u..” the girl’s voice cut off, and there was more crying. Nozomi could faintly hear Honoka’s mother whispering to the orange-haired girl, although what was being said she couldn’t tell.  
“On..on the way h-home from the...the t-t-tourn-a-ament, U-umi-chan and her mo-mother….they...g-got into a...a..c-car accident.” Nozomi felt her emerald eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. The purple-haired girl took a deep breath, trying desperately to offset the pounding of her heart, before asking the question she already knew the answer to.

“I-is she..” Nozomi’s voice was shaking, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She ran a hand through her thick hair and pulled, hard. It hurt, but it kept her distracted enough to forget what was going on for just a small moment.

“U-umi….umi i-i-is..d-dead.” Honoka was crying harder now, and Nozomi could feel hot tears running down her face. But she knew she had to be strong for the younger girl. If she lost it, everything would go downhill. She was trying to keep her sobs from showing, biting lightly into the skin on her wrist to muffle the sound until she trusted her voice enough to speak again.

“W-who else knows?” Nozomi spoke slowly, trying to hide emotions, but It was hard.

“K-kotori-chan. I-i think s-she called E-eli-chan.” Nozomi nodded. “I’ll t-tell R-rin-chan. And let her tell H-hanayo. That’s probably the...best course of action.” Honoka made a strangled noise of agreement. “We’ll c-call M-maki-chan a-and N-nico-chan.” The phone line went silent, Honoka’s voice and the background clamor replaced with an unnerving silence.

 

It was silent like that now, too, Nozomi thought, wrapping the cape behind her around her body, undoing her twin tails and taking off her hat. A wind blew her hair around, and Nozomi shivered, pulling the fabric closer around her body. It didn’t do much to block out the cool air, but it at least deflected some of the wind that ate at her. 

The moon and the stars...they’re so bright tonight

Nozomi sighed. Surely, she’d always been a spiritual person, but now she found herself praying harder and harder. Praying for Umi, that her soul was somewhere safe. Praying for the Sonoda family, and all of their friends. Praying for μ’s as a whole. Because the industry was so cutthroat, and they had grown so much, it was hard to drop out of all of their lives, even though one of their members was now...deceased.

There was a new girl now, a kind second year, who became Umi’s replacement. In actuality, the girl had become her own member of μ’s, but it was if she knew that she was nothing more than a dead girl’s temporary replacement. It was times like this that reminded everyone that μ’s was not invincible, and that one day, everything they had shared would be but a distant memory.

Nozomi always did her best to be nice to that girl. Surely, she knew her place, she knew that many people across the world saw her as a replacement- and nothing more.

It was spring when the accident happened, late May if Nozomi remembered correctly. Just a couple of short weeks before her own birthday, which was mostly forgotten. Not that she minded, her own birthday had never had a complete significance to her-moving around so much as a young girl made it hard to form friends which whom she could share such an occasion.

Now, it was the end of November. It had already snowed a few times, and soon, the ground would be covered in shining, white flakes. Currently, the full moon hung low and wide-a harvest moon, it’s normal white color turned to one of light amber. The glow resonated off of the stars around, giving them the appearance of glowing amber instead of white. That, coupled with the inky blue color of the clear night sky, made Nozomi feel as if the sky was currently resembling Umi in a way that made her heart ache entirely too much.

She thought she had grown used to being alone. She thought that she was over the days of sobbing hysterically into her pillow when she was informed that her family was moving again, the days of saying goodbye to acquaintances that could hardly be considered friends, running together in her head like the watercolor projects she would do as a little girl.

Now, that feeling was back, and sharper than ever before, like a knife that had been glued in between her lungs. It was poisonous, in a way-it made her feel useless and small again. She wasn’t sure how it had affected the rest of the group-she knew Honoka and Kotori felt the effects the worst. After Umi’s death, Honoka had nearly died herself, becoming so withdrawn that she had nearly died of starvation less than a month after Umi had passed.

She knew Kotori was hurting too-especially after the scene with Honoka. THe kind girl didn’t smile nearly as much anymore, and she often needed much more time to complete her duties in creating costumes for μ’s. Even though she was much better now, Nozomi knew whenever she saw her that there was sadness behind her smile, and hidden tears in her kind eyes.

She drew her knees in further, wrapping her arms around them and letting her head hang. Despite what had happened, there was still so much pressure on her, and the rest of μ’s, to be an ‘idol’. In the privacy of their own homes, they could cry as long as they needed to, as long as they were smiley and happy once the cameras and the public eye were back on them. The worse would be when complete strangers, recognizing her as Nozomi Tojo, the Nozomi Tojo from μ’s, would come up to her, questioning her about Umi’s death. She had always kept a poker face during those times, knowing that a smile could very well turn into a grimace and painfully obvious tears.

Staring at the sky, Nozomi took it upon herself to remember the good times too. Umi had always been stiff, but she was kind-hearted, and had been a source of laughs-especially in their unit practices. Nozomi knew that Rin had always quietly looks up to Umi-one of the few things she did quietly, and the sporty girl had been affected by her death greatly. Now, she was probably the one of μ’s who was the most like their normal selves, so Nozomi didn’t dare bring the subject up around her.

She remembered Umi’s kind smile, how she would always be encouraging-even if a bit scary at times. She really did only want the best for everyone: everyone only wanted the best for each other. Something told her that Umi wouldn’t want them all to be moping around-she’d want them all to do their best and make her proud. Yes, that sounded like something Umi would say, right?

A softer breeze came through, and Nozomi sighed into it, watching her breath fade into the night sky. She stood up slowly, stretching her stiff limbs and running her hands under her eyes. Surely, her face was a mess of the once-beautiful makeup that had been in place for her photoshoot, but her shoot was over and she was free to let go once more. She tied her hair back up, into a loose ponytail that would keep it from blowing in her face as she made her way home.

When she went back into the school to retrieve her change of normal clothes, Nozomi was unsurprised to see that she was alone. They didn’t spend as much time together as a group, as μ’s, anymore, simply because μ’s would always be incomplete without Umi there. Forcing the tears that pricked at her eyes to settle back down, Nozomi changed quickly, folding her idol clothing and placing it neatly into a small drawstring bag that she had brought with her.

She stopped by one of the water fountains in the hallway on her way downstairs, splashing a bit of water into her face to wake herself up a little more. Outside, the beautiful sky was waiting. Surely, Umi was up there, watching over all of them. Nozomi was sure of it. Even though the past few months had been incredibly rocky, something told Nozomi that Umi had been there watching over them. She had been the reason that μ’s hadn’t descended into chaos, even if she wasn’t there anymore.

That was when Nozomi made up her mind. She was going to heal. She was going to be okay. It was alright to reminisce, yed, but she wouldn’t let herself be sad anymore. She would keep her head high and proud, and honor the former μ’s member. She would become whole again.

She’d do it for Umi.

**Author's Note:**

> ;_; i'm sorry  
> this hurt me too don't worry  
> for some reason i apparently just love writing angst it's like all i ever write nowadays
> 
>  
> 
> twitter @squirrellissa


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